we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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