my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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