I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
