I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
