Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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