cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
