finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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