Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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