Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
