Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
