whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this is an emotional support booty call
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
