what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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