I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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