His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm like, not good at living.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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