Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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