Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
