There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
