So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
