U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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