I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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