i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
