my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They have beer where we have blood.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
