He kissed a someone with a penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
