just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
