i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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