we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
