im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
