This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
