im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
