I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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