Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she peed on how many people?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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