smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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