go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
