Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i drank out of a bidet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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