Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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