I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
