normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
