I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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