grandma shit on top of the toilet
are you so shy because you have an std?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
