i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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