It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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