Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will be naked everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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