We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Enjoy the penises
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
