we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
