You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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