dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
