so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
