gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
