I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
