trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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