did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
